


To lose and win

by ice_on_fire10



Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, Helsinki 2017, Hurt/Comfort, I promise the happy ending don't worry, M/M, eventually, yuzuvier - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-14
Updated: 2017-08-18
Packaged: 2018-12-15 08:24:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,420
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11802207
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ice_on_fire10/pseuds/ice_on_fire10
Summary: Javi wasn't coping very well with having lost his World title in Helsinki. So when Yuzuru tried to cheer him up after the competition, things got really ugly. Did Javi just lose way more than a medal?*This fic has a Spanish translation by myself that I will be uploading at the same time as this one. You can find it here: http://archiveofourown.org/works/11803263 :)*





	1. All hell breaks loose.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [crazykuroneko](https://archiveofourown.org/users/crazykuroneko/gifts), [PomeloAxel (BoredPsychopath_JC)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BoredPsychopath_JC/gifts).



> Hello! This is my first fanfic for this pairing and also my first fanfic in a veeeery long time. When you start writing a fic for a pairing... well, that's when you know there's no way back lol 
> 
> I'd like to thank my two amazing proof readers, my #TeamYuzuvier Fitria and Jody, who had to deal with me spamming them with this story. I really love you both, I'm so glad to have you and I hope you like this little fic :3
> 
> Also, English is not my first language so I apologize in advance for any glaring grammar mistakes if there are any. They are all mine and feel free to point them out! :)

Javi couldn’t actually complain about what he has achieved. He has 5 European titles and 2 World titles, after all. It would be crazy not to be happy. No one would have dreamt about it for a country like Spain, where Figure Skating was mostly nothing. But he did. He dreamt about it and he went and got it. He brought two World Championships Gold medals back home. He made a name for Figure Skating in Spain. So if he had to step out of the podium this year, well, it sucked but he could take it.

 _‘But can you?’_ his mind asked.

He wasn’t proud of his Free Skate. At all. He made stupid mistakes that cost him the podium. But that was his fault entirely. He messed up so he lost the medal, that was how this sport worked, and he knew it very well.

So why was he feeling this damn mad, then?

The medal ceremony had ended and they all had already talked to the press. Most of the athletes were now heading to chill out a little, to relieve all the stress from these days and get some fresh air before they had to start practicing for the Exhibition Gala tomorrow. But Javi wasn’t really in the mood to even try and pretend he was having fun, not after a loss like the one he had to endure today, so he just decided to stay in his hotel room, now pacing frantically and trying to get a hold of his thoughts.

_‘Not even third. Not even a bronze. I could have gotten at least bronze, I know it. I should have been better…’_

Those same thoughts were running through his mind over and over again. He was about to just go take a shower to try and cool off his mind a little when he heard a soft knock at the door.

He sighed. He really didn’t want any company right now. Maybe he could pretend he wasn’t there and…

“Javi, I know you there.”

It was Yuzu. And of course he knew Javi was there. That kid knew everything. Giving up on his plan to pretend he didn’t exist, Javi headed to the door and opened it.

“What do you want, Yuzu?” He said the second he opened it, before even looking to Yuzuru.

“You not going to let me in?”

Javi looked up at Yuzu’s face. The younger boy was watching him with a raised eyebrow and his arms crossed.

Javier sighed.

“Yeah, of course, sorry. Come on in.”

Javi closed the door behind Yuzuru, while the younger stepped into the room and sat on a chair next to the bed. Javi was about to ask again why was Yuzu there, but the other man beat him to it.

“You not going to the party” Yuzu said.

“Ehhh… no, I’m not.”

“Why?” Yuzu sounded really curious about it, but Javi couldn’t ignore a certain resentment there too.

“I’m not really in the mood to go partying, Yuzu,” Javi answered while sitting on the bed.

“But you always tell me to go. Today I was going. And now you’re not going.”

“You are going to the party?”

Yuzu nodded.

“Yes. Javi always says I should be with people more often and today I won so I thought today a good day to be with people.”

Javi tried not to show the hurt on his face when he heard the words ‘today I won’, but he wasn’t sure he succeeded.

“Well, I’m glad you listened to me. You should get going then.” Javi stood up to resume his way to the shower, but got stopped again by Yuzu’s voice.

“But Javi needs to come too.”

Javi rolled his eyes before turning back to Yuzuru.

“I already told you I’m not going, Yuzu, stop insisting and just go, or they’re gonna leave without you.”

“Come on Javi, you like going out…” Yuzu pleaded.

“Today I don’t, Yuzu. Just let it go,” Javi said, trying to keep it cool.

“But I don’t want to go without Javi,” Yuzu said with a pout.

Any other day, that pout alone would make Javi melt at the spot and give in to whatever it was Yuzu was asking of him. But today was a very bad day, and Javi was in a very bad mood. And he should have counted to ten before answering, but he didn’t.

“Well, don’t go then, I don’t care!” Javi shouted.

Yuzuru’s face instantly fell and his eyes widened. Javi was a very hot-blooded person, but he had never, ever, snapped at him like that.

Javi recognized that look on Yuzuru’s face and instantly regretted shouting at him, but at the same time he didn’t. He was tired and angry at himself and he didn’t have enough strength in him to deal with this right now. He already told Yuzuru he wasn’t going. Why couldn’t he just drop the subject?

“Why Javi mad at me now? I just want you to be happy today too.”

“Well, excuse me if losing not only a Gold medal but the podium entirely doesn’t help me being very happy today.”

Yuzu stood up from the bed and approached Javi.

“I know how you feel, Javi, but…”

“Of course you don’t! You won!” Javi shouted again. Yuzu must have been prepared to it, and so this time he didn’t even flinch at Javi’s outburst.

“Yes, I do. I lost the past two Worlds, remember?”

“Yeah, after you won the Olympics!”

“There are next Olympics, Javi. You can win. And next Worlds too,” Yuzu answered with a soft voice.

“Oh, I didn’t know you were planning to stop competing?”

Yuzu tilted his head to the side with a confused look.

“What you mean?”

Javi knew he shouldn’t say this. He should shut his mouth before he said these next words. But he couldn’t. He was so damn frustrated, and Yuzu still seemed to have this weird faith in him when all he wanted to do was crawl into his bed and forget about today. He really should do that. He should ask Yuzu to just please leave him alone because he was gonna say things he would later regret and he was gonna be an asshole and Yuzu deserved so much better than that…

But he didn’t.

“I mean there is no way in hell I’m winning while you’re still here!”

The look on Yuzuru’s face at that was one Javi would never forget. The Japanese man eye’s widened and he took a step back, as if he had been just punched in the stomach.

“I thought we were okay.”

And they were. Javi’s mind was urging him to slap himself in the face and see if that could bring some sense into him. They’d had this conversation before, and they both agreed their friendship was much more important than the medals. They agreed to never let their rivalry get in the way of this strange but beautiful friendship they had developed. They cheered for each other, they clapped for the winner and consoled the loser and motivated and made each other stronger. It wasn’t easy, but they managed to make it work.

But still here he was, throwing it all to hell because somehow he couldn’t cope with this loss.

“Just leave, Yuzuru,” he said.

 _‘Maybe you should have said this before,’_ his mind supplied.

“No. I don’t leave. Not if Javi is angry with me.”

Javi rolled his eyes.

“That’s exactly why you should leave.”

“So you are angry with me,” Yuzu said, stubborn as always.

“I’m angry at the world right now, and having to deal with the person who took the medal away from me doesn’t certainly help the situation, if you ask me.”

 _‘Stop right there,’_ Javi’s mind was really trying to stop this mess of a conversation, but Javi was a pro at not listening to it.

“It not my fault you lost,” Yuzu said.

“Well, I don’t know if you realized it, but you won, so…”

“I won because I skated good, but not my fault you didn’t. And we said never have this discussion. We said we friends even if we take medals away, said never blame the other!”

“Maybe we we’re just being naïve when we agreed to that!”

Another step back from Yuzuru.

“What you mean?” Yuzu repeated his previous words, but this time the hurt was really showing.

Javi couldn’t stop himself in time.

“That maybe we just shouldn’t be friends!”

The other really stumbled back as if all the air had been knocked out of his lungs. His eyes watered and he could only stare at Javi with the most perplexed expression the Spaniard had ever seen. All the anger that had been boiling up inside Javier just vanished into nothing.

_‘What have you done, you stupid man.’_

This time Javi agreed with his mind. What the hell was he thinking?

“Yuzu, Yuzu I’m sorry, I didn’t mean…”

But he didn’t get to finish his apology, because Yuzuru turned his back and almost ran outside of the room, not even bothering to close the door behind him. Javi wanted to run after him, but he couldn’t even move his legs. He knew deep inside him that this wasn’t just another fight. This was different. He had crossed a line with what he said.

Suddenly, having lost his World title seemed nothing compared to the possibility of having lost Yuzuru.


	2. More than words

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Javi tried to fix things with Yuzuru, but maybe there was more to fix than what the thought.

Javi arrived at the rink for the Gala Practice next morning with a dark aura surrounding him, and everyone else seemed to notice it right away. Brian was the first one to talk to him.

“Javi, are you okay? You look like you didn’t sleep very well…”

“I would have slept badly if I had slept at all,” Javi murmured.

Brian raised his eyebrows.

“You haven’t had any sleep tonight? Javi, you shouldn’t skate like that…”

“No, I’m okay, really, don’t worry. Just a bad night, but I’m perfectly fit for skating”

That was a lie. He wasn’t okay at all, and he really shouldn’t be skating. But he needed to skate, he needed to do the Gala, and… he needed to try to speak with Yuzuru. So he put his skates on, warmed up a little, and headed to the ice with the rest of the athletes.

Surprisingly, the Gala Practice wasn’t the disaster he thought it would be, and he managed to only fall three times. The choreo for the official song wasn’t all that complicated, and they all knew their exhibition programs by heart. But all in all, Javi kept feeling like every second they spent there was one more second of Yuzuru ignoring him.

Javier didn’t exist for him, and he wasn’t even trying to pretend otherwise. He didn’t even skate near Javi, and the Spaniard could swear he hadn’t seen more than his back all morning.

But he understood it. It hurt like hell, but he deserved it. He had damaged their friendship, and he wasn’t even sure the extent of it yet. So he could get why Yuzu didn’t want to see him right now. But he needed to talk to him, because he really needed to fix this.

As Yuzu kept getting away from him, Javi kept trying to approach him, always taking care not to disturb him too much from his training, as the last thing he would want was for Yuzu to hurt himself because of him. The closest he got to him during practice was when Yuzu took a brief break to drink some water on the barrier. Javi skated to him, but he only got to say a soft _‘Yuzu’_ before the younger all but dropped the bottle and skated away, leaving behind a very startled Brian on the other side of the barrier and a very sad Javi on the ice.

After that he didn’t try to approach him directly on the ice again, not wanting to anger him even more. He decided to wait instead until the practice ended and they had some free time to relax and eat something before the Gala. He could find a better moment then.

The occasion presented itself when he finally took off the ice and went to the changing room. He had lost sight of Yuzu a while ago and he had assumed he would be outside eating by now, so he had stayed a little longer on the ice trying to clear his mind. He had stayed awake all night thinking about what to say to Yuzu. Just a plain apology wouldn’t do, they had too many years of friendship and history behind, but he wasn’t sure what to say. He had no excuse for his behavior. Having lost the title certainly wasn’t an excuse. Nothing was an excuse. So after going in circles on the ice for a few minutes he finally took off and went to change. But the moment he entered the changing room he froze.

Yuzuru was there.

The boy was busy looking at something on his phone, Javi guessed his short program. Not even winning could take his mind off, could it? Javi decided to stay silent for a moment. He always enjoyed watching Yuzu so focused on something, he got all serious and his brows frowned in concentration, but it was actually very cute. He was so worried to never get to see this little moments again due to his own stupidity…

He must have made some sound, because Yuzu’s head snapped up and he dropped the phone to the ground. He stayed frozen for a second looking at Javi, but then he composed himself rather quickly. He picked up his phone, grabbed his bag, and headed towards the door. But Javi wasn’t gonna let him go without at least trying to talk to him.

“Yuzu…” Javi started.

“Stop calling me that.”

Well, that was unexpected.

“What?”

“I said stop calling me that.”

“Calling you what?” Javi was totally lost.

“Yuzu. Name is not Yuzu. Name is Yuzuru.”

Javi opened and closed his mouth a few times at that.

“But I always call you Yuzu. Everyone here calls you Yuzu...”

“Only friends call me Yuzu.”

Oh. Oh, that hurt. That hurt _a lot._ Javi had to take a few deep breaths to keep him from starting crying right then.

“Okay, can we please talk about this?” Javi pleaded.

“Nothing to talk,” Yuzu said, looking at some point behind Javier.

“Yes, yes there is something to talk about, and if you don’t want to talk then I’m gonna talk and I really hope you will listen to me, please, because I messed up badly and I just want to apologize and fix things between us and…”

“No need apology.”

Javi really lost track to what he was saying, or more accurately rambling, when he heard those words.

“What?”

“No need apology. Javi was right. We shouldn’t be friends.”

Javi’s whole world shifted.

“No. No, no, no. I wasn’t right. I wasn’t right at all. In fact I was completely wrong and I don’t even know why I said what I said. Well, I do, I was angry, but I was angry at myself, not you, and I shouldn’t have let it out on you and I’m sorry, but...”

Javi had started rambling again and he knew it, but this time it was out of pure fear. Yuzuru couldn’t have really believed what he said yesterday. He certainly didn’t make Yuzu regret their friendship. He couldn’t have messed things up between them this badly… Could he?

“You were right,” said Yuzu, and somehow the fact that the sentence didn’t start with his customary _‘Javi’_ made things even more real for Javier.

Yuzuru continued talking, not taking his eyes away from that spot behind Javi.

“You lost to me. I took medal away. Medal would have been yours if not for me.”

“I came in fourth, Yuzu. I didn’t lose only to you,” Javi tried to reason.

“But I made you nervous. I know what you said. Hearing my score made you nervous and then you failed.”

 _‘Oh shit.’_ So Yuzu had heard his interview for Spanish media? But that was right after competition, before Yuzu came to his room.

 _‘Maybe that’s why he went, you idiot. He felt guilty, tried to comfort you and make you leave your misery, and you went and said the exact wrong thing,’_ his mind provided. He hated his mind sometimes.

“Your score made me nervous. Yes. So what? Of course it did! You beat a world record right in front of my nose, of course I would be nervous after that. But that doesn’t mean it’s your fault! I shouldn’t have let it get to me. It’s entirely my fault, not yours.”

“But I only make world records like that because I train with you.”

Javi widened his eyes. He wasn’t expecting that answer. Where was Yuzu going with that?

“I went to Toronto because I wanted train with you. Wanted learn your jumps, become good like you. And now I took your medal. Not fair.”

“I never once complained about you learning from me, Yuzu. I was honored. Still am!”

“You’re not!”

For the first time Yuzu’s eyes met Javi’s, and the Spaniard’s heart broke into pieces. He was crying.

“You’re not honored! Don’t lie to me! Javi would have won worlds if not for me! Javi can’t be happy I’m here! Stop saying that!”

Javi couldn’t contain his own tears anymore.

“But of course I am! I am so happy you came, Yuzu, please believe me. You are my best friend. You are…”

“Javi said truth yesterday. We were naïve. We are competitors, not friends.” He avoided Javi’s gaze again the moment he saw his tears.

“Please just forget what I said yesterday. Please. It wasn’t true. I didn’t mean it. People say stupid things when they’re angry,” Javi said desperately.

Yuzuru didn’t answer to that, and just walked past Javi without looking back at him. When he was already at the door, he talked again without turning his back.

“We have Gala in 2 hours. Not the moment for this.”

Javi walked to him again.

“Please don’t avoid me again. Let me fix this. I already told you I didn’t mean it. We’ve been friends for years! I’m closest to you than to anyone else. I thought it was the same for you. I know I messed up, I know it was a horrible thing to say after all we’ve been through. But exactly because of that, because of all we’ve lived together, why can’t you believe I didn’t mean it? Why won’t you give me the chance to make it up to you? It was a stupid thing to say, but it was only that!”

At that last part, Yuzuru turned again, throwing Javi a glare the other had never seen before.

“It wasn’t just that. You hurt me. I was closest to you too. I trusted you. I thought we better than blame each other. I thought we meant more than medals, and I trusted you like I never did anyone. I don’t let people truly see me. But I let you. And when things got bad for you, you hurt me because it was easy. I never did that. Never would. Javi meant too much to me. But you did. So I don’t trust you anymore. Don’t want get hurt again.”

Javi was speechless. He knew what he did was bad because it was a truly mean thing to say, but he hadn’t thought about it this way. Everyone loved Yuzuru and Yuzuru loved everyone, but it was known that it wasn’t that easy for him to get truly attached to people and to truly let them in. But he did with Javi, almost since the first time they met. And what Javi told him yesterday had betrayed that trust. He had been given the most beautiful trust and friendship, the most beautiful gift, and he hadn’t been able to take proper care of it.

He didn’t know what to say to that. He just stood there, looking at Yuzuru with tears in his eyes.

“I’m sorry,” was all he managed to say in the end.

“I know,” was the only answer he received.

With that, Yuzuru turned again and left the room, leaving Javi feeling like the ground could swallow him right then and there and he would be thankful for it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm gonna repeat myself but I PROMISE you will see a happy ending for this. Just wait <3 Thank you so much for reading, and if you liked it or if you didn't please let me know your thoughts!

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry. I really am sorry. I promise there will be a happy ending... eventually. Thank you SO MUCH for reading, and you should know I would love you from now until eternity if you leave a comment telling me your thoughts <3
> 
> Also, you can always yell at me on my Twitter, honestly, always, I don't leave that place lol @ice_on_fire10


End file.
